December 9, 2011

ABOUT ME


I lay there beneath the stars, back against the warmth of the concrete paved driveway, feet bare and propped up on the white-washed metal gate surrounding my yard, as we had them in Jamaica. With my head cradled in my clasped hands, I recall looking up at the stars, and you know how it is when you stare long enough into a star-crowded night sky? I started “seeing things”.
Believing it to be a tiny comet, I made a wish as one of the shiny twinkly dots caught my eye. I whispered into the sultry Caribbean night air, asking for a sibling, a brother. And then I recall this even more vividly: I wanted to go to “Foreign” (that’s what we called the United States of America). And though I was a smart child, wise beyond my years even, I still looked up; fancifully imagining that foreign was up--- “up there” somewhere (against all I’d learned in school about the round earth and the debunked myths of the fated flat edge that it most certainly didn’t have, off which we’d all plummet …leaping off Aristotle’s back maybe.)
As I lay there, every fanciful dream I’d ever had came rushing in, swirling through my mind, making me smile. Because I believed back then, that perhaps one day I would indeed become a doctor, an Obstetric Gynecologist to be precise. But this would happen sometime after I’d seen the world. And published my novel, and designed all the most fabulous fashions that there ever were! And because true focus had never been my strong point, I recall some random wish about llamas. Must’ve been reading some book in first form English then, with llamas amidst the chapters, but most likely yet another musing from an only child…drowning in ennui as I was.
Fast forward to 2011: I am 30 years old, married---for the second time, grateful,  that I have found the right man for me. And all around me, life is happening FAST. Speeding by it seems! I have four grey hairs.  Every so often I find myself wondering just what I shall DO with the massive 401k funds that I shall have in 2046 (a dreamer still I am). And now? Teenagers seem misguided to me…most of them anyway. And unreasonably, I still have acne.
Though the pervasive rot of divorce abounds, everyone is tying the knot! Those who aren’t, are blissfully planning their “Big Day”. And others yet, are shunning the bonds of matrimony as if it were the Black Plague reborn. Many of my friends have children now! And against all odds, I still have one special friend that is still a virgin. I have a renewed interest in riding my bicycle, but plan to learn to drive properly---soon! (Bike rides through the snow will get old real soon) I never had a MySpace page. And though I did get a brother, he came AFTER my parents divorced. So I’ve never really learned to share my space with another.
I never did drugs or alcohol. To the horror of most, I have never even owned a Blackberry. 
I went on to draw many, many sketches of many fabulous gowns, and I scattered the drawings within the pages of my many journals---they no longer call out to me, as they are vampires and shun the light of day, as they should. By God’s grace, the novel WILL happen though, I really hope so…
As for my career in Obstetrics? Well, that never took off. It never truly even got legs! But I have found that there is a special place inside each person, where dreams live on, waiting to take flight. And so, I read a lot. And I know a little more than most about a few things…Pregnancy fascinates me still! But so does politics, and fashion---and cooking and even reality TV. And one day I will be a mommy…but for now, here in my corner….I will share what I do know, and learn from those that know more than I do…And hope you all take my candor with a large(ish) teaspoon of salt. Welcome to my space…

1 comment:

  1. Loved this one... Dreams are the windows to one soul they say.. Each day is unknown.. Each experience different than the previous. Its amazing the dreams we had as children.. Now being women.. and experiencing ALL that LIFE has to offer. Keep on blogging... Its like reading your diary.. but having permission.. LOL

    ReplyDelete